A Re-framing: When Love Hurts
Posted on Monday October 29, 2018 at 12:24PM
By: Ruthann Weeks, CIRS
Founder, Harmony Training & Development
3 Minute Read
I had some training recently in my area of expertise. I have spent many hours researching and training on domestic violence, specifically related to it’s affects on the workplace. Last week I learned that I had to unlearn some things.
When Love Hurts: A Woman’s Guide to Understanding Abuse in Relationships is authored by two women who have worked with thousands of abuse survivors over decades. They’ve used that insight and experience to create a workshop where women explore their relationships over 16 weeks.
This train-the-trainer workshop I attended over two days was the most valuable insight I’ve received into the issue of violence against women in my career. The learning was practical, relevant, modern and timely. We are at the cusp of greater change that has been slowly creeping into the consciousness of our society, as what was once the taboo topic of abuse between partners comes into discussion more and more.
Some of the beliefs I held true that I’ve had to re-frame are:
- Terminology around the topic. Replace domestic violence, family violence and intimate partner violence and with woman abuse, violence against women and women experiencing abuse.
- Some women repeatedly choose abusive partners. No one ever chooses abuse. In the pattern of abuse there is a honeymoon stage, tension building stage and an explosion stage. These sometimes happen in rapid succession or can happen over months, or even years. The fact is though, that no one ever chooses their partner in any stage other than the honeymoon stage. While initially dating the prospective mate is charming, attentive and feels safe, and that’s what the woman signs up for.
- Immediately do a risk assessment and safety plan. Not necessarily.
- That relationship in my 20’s that I called toxic was really textbook woman abuse.
I am grateful for the experiences that make me better at the work I do. I can empathize and understand some complicated issues in a way I may not have been able to otherwise.
As a workplace trainer and policy writer, my passion is to help keep people safe at work from physical and psychological trauma including domestic and sexual violence, bullying, and sexual harassment. My challenge is to train employers, supervisors and human resource professionals that they are not only legally obligated to understand the complicated issues that can threaten safety in the workplace, but that they have a moral and fiscal obligation to take a holistic approach to the people they oversee at work.
I press on with a fresh perspective.
Shared with permission: When Love Hurts
Author Contacts: Karen McAndless-Davis: firstname.lastname@example.org
Jill Cory: email@example.com
Call 780-460-1019 or email firstname.lastname@example.org today for your free consultation.
Author: Harmony Training & Development
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